Once Upon a Time I drank cough syrup and Jesus told me it was ok to be part time gay

My coming out story -- HAPPY PRIDE month!!💜🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Dextromethorphan brought me to Jesus in a way you probably aren’t aware of. Really. Stay with me.

Typically found in Robitussin, it’s a chemical that, when consumed in large enough quantities, can turn you into a robot. Or really, if you’re a bored, curious, spoiled high school kid, talk to the kids from the suburbs. They will teach you you don’t need that hook up for acid or mushrooms.

No. No, instead you can take a convenience drug that’s meant to suppress your coughing fits. Robitussin, is loaded with enough sugar to give you enough liftoff to give you a diabetes high, while suppressing the reality you currently thought you have, enough to dissociate.

Yep. A word hard for some to read to go with the mild hallucinations you can experience on this wonder drug, conveniently available at a store near you. It’s the American party girl dream, really. Sugar and pharmaceuticals. Sugar and pharmaceuticals. Yes.

Your reality becomes like so --You walk around your parent’s basement at 2 am declaring, “I am a machine! I am a machine! Wait a minute, I am part time gay?”

“Jesus! Jesus! Please help me! What is going on? How did I become a gay robot?”

It was 2001. You were in love with Jesus and didn’t dare touch the real stuff because, “Drugs are bad! Mmmmmmkay?”

Yes. So that happened. I’m not sure how. But yes, it was cough syrup ---- wait I mean Mr. Jesus, kind ma’amsir teach me your ways. Tell me from your closet doors for six hours that I am in love with a woman. That’s not right. How could it be, possibly?

Yes I realize that I mentioned Jesus being in the closet telling me I was half gay. And he did it in the classic Filipino voice, using our people’s classic gender neutral word ma’amsir.

You should know that the word ma’amsir is the result of hundreds of years of those pucking Spaniards destroying our queer identities and gendering everything. Before Magellan came along, we were excellence. We banged who we wanted. Women had rights.

We had our own businesses.

We expressed our gender identities how we wanted. Siya was the only word we had for gender. One man band for he/she/it. No one chased after us with holy water screeching, “The power of christ compels you, stupid indios!”

Then the Americans came along and tried to teach my ancestors more words for gender. But I have a theory my people persisted in their quiet rebellion in addition to kicking all those mother puckers out. Bam. Tada. There you have it with ma’amsir. Our people have excellence, even today.

At least that’s what I believe. Most of that is true. Except the part when the people from “The Exorcist” were there.

Are you still with me? Good! Don’t reach for that bottle of cough syrup yet. Or ever really. Because drugs are bad, mmmmkay?

So yes, once upon a time I drank cough syrup and Jesus told me it was okay to be part time gay. But of course, eventually you threw away all of Jesus, because who needs a colonizing god from actual reality?

Really, even pro gay Filipino Jesus was basura because even he remained in my parent’s closet. And so did you for many many years. That fucking hypocrite.

It’s okay to forgive queer closeted Filipino Jesus though. Eventually we came around again today. Because Filipinos are brown excellence. If you can’t see that, that’s your white supremacist problem. You can’t kill our joy.

A side note to all the parents and concerned readers: cough syrup remains to be the top drug of choice for bored high school students. Case in point: nyquill chicken soup 😉. So maybe this pride month, consider hiding the cough syrup from your children and instead accept it if your kid tells you they're queer or trans. You may just save them years of therapy and a trip to the ER. I got lucky that all I got was a sugar hangover.